We have romantic relationships that have left us feeling alone, friendships that have suddenly gone sour, family dramas that cause us to have many sleepless nights; right? So what do we do to move on? We try to let go, but often it feels like it’s not working. We all have these difficult, negative memories and experiences that we wish we could snap our fingers and let them go. Letting go is one of the most difficult things we can do in life. I want to say to you right now, give yourself a break if you are having difficulty- it’s hard!
I offer the following tips that I have been practicing for decades for easing into the process of letting go, regaining your power, and living your life fully and happily.
1. Become aware of the issue or person that keeps you from being free. This is a big one. Often we feel stuck in the energy of someone or something that has happened to us but we’re not quite sure of what keeps us attached to it. I have a friendship in my life that came to an end a few years back. I processed it, did my work with it and after a time felt comfortable that it was “all good.”thought. “Ok and I person in my life who is pleasant enough, but when I see her I suddenly feel agitation, jealousy, and fear.
We can simply not like someone but when the feelings are strong, we need to pay attention and get to the root of why we are feeling this way in order to release it. This is where a meditation practice is crucial. In meditation the feelings come up, and in sitting with the feeling we become aware of where they are coming from. For me, some of the feelings that were coming up with people in my present were connected to experiences from my past. Meditation practice helps you peel back the layers of the feeling like the layers of an onion to uncover the root cause. Sometimes these feelings can be related to serious past traumas and it might be helpful to meet with a therapist to work through them, as I have done over the years.
2. Give yourself time to process, feel the pain, anger and resentment. Experiences go deeper than we know. Betrayals, hurts, abuses, and deceits can take root in our body and consciousness. If we think we can just let them go and move on, we may be kidding ourselves. I suggest truly giving yourself time, say a week, a month, or a year before saying to yourself, “ I am ready to let this go.” We must feel the feelings in our body and spirit, and then we can decide that this experience or this person is not going to take my life away. In this process we are taking our power back.
3. Breathe and be patient- the deeper the hurt, the more layers there are to uncover. This goes along with #2. Because experiences go deep, it can take time to heal. If you have been really hurt in a past relationship, acknowledge it, feel any emotions that come up, and accept that this is part of the process of letting go. We have to be strong, kind, loving and patient with ourselves. If your emotions feel overwhelming, remember you don’t have to face them all at once. Gently take a look and give yourself time and space. Let the process unfold. There are layers to our hurt and our pain and we peel away these layers that lead to letting go one step, one day, one meditation at a time. We peel away one layer and we think, Wow I’m home free, It’s gone and BAM! it hits us sideways one day. Settle in and know that you are on your way- don’t give up!
4. Use a mantra to help release negative thought loops.
I write the person’s name or the experience at the top of a notebook setting the intention of letting this go from my life. Then i proceed to write my mantra over and over again on the page focusing n the intention that I am letting this release from my body, mind and spirit. My mantra is my life line to
My practice for letting go. Many of you know I have been on my spiritual path for 32+ years now after coming out of treatment for bulimia. In treatment I met some of my greatest traumas and demons and it has been an beautiful process of letting go.
The last part of my book The Practice is dedicated to Reflection and Letting Go. This is what I do:
I have a daily meditation practice which keeps me connected with my inner self, so i am aware of when I am feeling attached to something that keeps me from living my life in freedom.
When I realize that I need to let go of an experience, trauma, or relationship I spend time feeling the feelings of hurt and betrayal and then I make the decision to let it go.
Once I have set the intention to let it go I use my sacred mantra practice. You can find all of the details in my book or on my website but here is a description:
I have set the intention to let this trauma go, I have felt the feelings, worked through the feelings and I am ready to move forward in my life. I want to be free.